


What's The Point

by ikonlove



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7474110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikonlove/pseuds/ikonlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why would I practice for lines I know I’m not gonna get?”</p><p>or where Chanwoo knows that he’s getting the scraps from the bottom of the barrel, the little lines that aren’t taken by the other members, and is pissed about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just another angsty Chanwoo fic and it's cross posted on my AFF account.

“What’s the point in practicing for lines I know I’m not going to get,” Chanwoo knows he sounds childish, but he’s mad. Mad that he hardly gets any lines, mad that Donghyuk barely gets more lines than him, and even more mad that his hyungs always seem to get the lines Chanwoo works the hardest for.

“Chanwoo, don’t say that. You’ll get more lines, promise,” Chanwoo is sick and tired of Hanbin saying the same thing every time they get parts for their new songs. 

“You don’t even know what its like to get no lines,” Chanwoo is ready to scream, he’s so frustrated, “the only ones who understand are Yunhyeong hyung and Donghyuk hyung, you’ll never understand.”

“What do you mean we don't understand? Of course we do,” Bobby sounds offended and all kinds of defensive, but Chanwoo is too fed up to care.

“NO, YOU DON’T! You and Hanbin get all the lines, even ones that should be for the vocal line,” Chanwoo is shouting by now and he couldn't care less.

“We’re your hyungs, stop talking to us like we’re your friends,” Jinhwan scolds him and Chanwoo feels his heart shatter when Jinhwan tells him they aren’t his friends.

“For people who always talk about being hyungs, you think you’d be better at it,” Chanwoo says with venom lacing his words.

The rest of iKon is taken aback, confused and wondering when their maknae became so angry. Chanwoo stands in place gauging the looks on his hyungs’ faces, then flees the practice room. He doesn’t necessarily know where he’s going, but he ends up calling his most trusted hyung, Lee Minho.

“Minho hyung,” Chanwoo cries into the phone as soon as his hyung picks up, “I did something so stupid, hyung. I’m so stupid and my hyungs probably hate me so much!”

“Chanwoo, slow down, tell hyung where you are and we can get something to eat and you can tell me what happened.”

Chanwoo is picked up by Minho and taken to a small restaurant, where he retells his story at a much slower pace, “I was angry that I had gotten hardly any lines in our new songs and our album in general and I yelled at my hyungs. I told them it was their fault when it’s my fault for not being good enough.” Chanwoo is crying before he even finishes his story and he feels so bad, but he doesn’t know what to do or say.

Minho stares dumbfounded for a short while before finally gathering his thoughts, “Chanwoo, you need to apologize to your members; then tell them in a more respectful way what you think and why you think that.”

“I know, hyung, i-i-it’s just…I’m so sick of my mom calling me saying things like ‘I enjoyed your new song, but I didn’t see you or hear your part in the song?’ and ‘I must have missed it, sweetie’. It hurts hyung, having to explain to her that I shared my lines with Bobby or I sang NaNaNa’s at the very end of the song,” Chanwoo has even more tears streaming down his face at what he admitted. He sounds so weak and Minho probably hates Chanwoo for dragging him into this.

After two more hours filled with tears, food, advice, and catching up, Minho drops Chanwoo off back at the dorms. Chanwoo stands outside the door worried about the scolding waiting for him inside. Scared his hyungs will tell him that they hate him.


	2. The Mess I Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanwoo hasn’t been this nervous walking up to the dorm since he was announced the 7th member of iKon. He doesn’t want to see his hyungs, doesn’t want to know what they’ll say to him. He doesn’t want to know what they’ll say about him. He doesn’t want to know how much he’s disappointed them.

Chanwoo hasn’t been this nervous walking up to the dorm since he was announced the 7th member of iKon. He doesn’t want to see his hyungs, doesn’t want to know what they’ll say to him. He doesn’t want to know what they’ll say about him. He doesn’t want to know how much he’s disappointed them.

Chanwoo pauses at the door, his heart is in his throat and his breath is starting to become rapid, before he turns the doorknob slowly. No one is waiting right inside the doorway to scold him when he enters but Chanwoo hears voices coming from the living room, and he’s starting to wonder why he came back to the dorm in the first place.

When Chanwoo walks into the living room all conversations come to an end, and he’s left standing in a room so quiet he could hear a pin drop. 

“Where have you been,” Jinhwan’s voice is sharp, cutting through not only the silence in the room but also Chanwoo’s heart.

Chanwoo feels his breathing picking up and his heart is starting to race, but he knows he needs to answer Jinhwan’s question, “I-I,” He takes a deep breath and swallows down the bile that is starting to rise in his throat, “I needed to clear my head, hyung.”

Jiwon glares at him with something akin to hate before biting out, “Oh, so now we’re your hyungs?”

Chanwoo flinches at the tone, but his hyungs aren’t done with their verbal lashing yet as Yunhyeong adds a, “I thought we weren’t good enough to be your hyungs.”

His hyungs look so irritated and Chanwoo know’s he has no one to blame but himself for this. “I-I’m sorry,” He croaks out, his voice rough with all of the sobs trapped in his throat.

Chanwoo knows when Hanbin speaks in a calm, steady voice that he’s in deep shit because normally he’ll yell at Chanwoo…unless he’s pissed beyond belief. “Yeah, well, we don’t necessarily care how sorry you are,” Hanbin gives him a look that tells Chanwoo that he needs to shut up, “it doesn’t matter how upset you were, that gave you no right to hurt everyone else’s feelings.” 

Chanwoo knows that everything Hanbin just said is true and that he doesn’t deserve their forgiveness. He doesn’t deserve to be apart of their group, and it hurts all over. The pain of rejection and the hatred he knows his hyungs feel for him is felt in his chest. He feels it all over his body and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever not feel this pain sitting on his body, weighing down on his chest and crushing him.

Junhoe is the first to notice the small tears forming in the youngest member’s eyes and the rapid rise and fall of the maknae’s chest. Junhoe’s seen Chanwoo have a panic attack before, they all have, and he knows that if Chanwoo starts to grab at his chest then he needs to calm him down.

“Hyungs, I think you need to calm down. I know Chanwoo hurt all of our feelings, but we haven’t let him explain why he was so upset,” Junhoe is also about to mention the fact that Chanwoo is on the verge of having a panic attack when they hear a choked sob escape Chanwoo’s throat.

There’s sweat pouring down Chanwoo’s face and the other members can tell that he’s having trouble breathing. “Chanwoo? Hey, look at me. Breathe in and breathe out, okay? Just copy what I’m doing,” Hanbin is in front of Chanwoo in an instant trying to calm him down. 

Chanwoo’s trying to get a steady breath into his lungs, but he physically can’t and he’s beginning to feel the pain in his chest worsen with each failed breath. Hanbin continues to get Chanwoo to breathe, scared that maybe Chanwoo won’t calm down long enough to get enough oxygen into his body, but just when Hanbin is about to give up, Chanwoo finally starts breathing normally. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Chanwoo’s sobbing as he lurches forward burying his face in Hanbin’s neck while Hanbin wraps his arms tight around Chanwoo’s waist. “I’m so sorry that I took all of my frustrations out on you hyungs. You’re all so good to me and all you’ve ever done is try to make me feel wanted and all I’ve ever done is let you down. I hate that I’m not good enough to get more lines and I hate that I’m not even a decent dongsaeng. I hate myself so much and I just wish that I was even half as talented as any of you.”

Before anyone can respond to his small outburst, Chanwoo wrenches himself out of Hanbin’s grasp and slams the bathroom door shut as soon as he’s inside it. He lets himself slide down the bathroom door until he’s sitting with his back resting against the only thing separating him and his hyungs. Chanwoo never wants to leave the safety of the bathroom, he never wants to face his hyungs after telling them what he truly thinks of himself.


	3. You'll Be Who You'll Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the boys were startled by Chanwoo's outburst, shocked at how their maknae thinks of himself. Their precious maknae thinks that he isn't good enough to be apart of iKon and they were saddened at how much hatred Chanwoo felt for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow, it's been a while! So, this is the last chapter of this story. I really hope that you'll like it, but if you don't then I am open to rewriting it. The reason it took me so long to finish this story is because I had major writer's block and I had no idea where I was going with this story. Feedback is always appreciated and I am really thankful for you guys being so patient with me! Once again, I am so sorry that it took me so long to update!! I'm going to come back and fix the spacing on this chapter when I have my laptop!

All of the boys were startled by Chanwoo's outburst, shocked at how their maknae thinks of himself. Their precious maknae thinks that he isn't good enough to be apart of iKon and they were saddened at how much hatred Chanwoo felt for himself. Chanwoo had been suffering the whole time he's been apart of iKon and none of them had even noticed, and the one time that Chanwoo speaks his mind, he is yelled at by the people who are supposed to be his brothers, by the people who are supposed to protect him.   
Before anyone can even think about how they're going to fix this problem, Hanbin runs over to the bathroom door and starts to beg Chanwoo to open the door. Hanbin is apologizing and begging and all he hears from the other side of the door are sobs and small, broken whimpers that are coming from their maknae.   
"Hanbin hyung, there's no r-reason for you to be a-apologizing. None of you did any-anything, it was all my fault," is the first thing the boys hear after sitting outside the bathroom door for an hour listening to Chanwoo cry. Chanwoo's stuttered apology quickly follows, "I-I-I'm sorry hyungs," and then more sobs quickly follow. They can hear Chanwoo choking on his own breath, unable to get a decent amount of oxygen in his lungs because of how hard he's crying, and they're all starting to panic now.   
"Chanwoo, listen to hyung, you need to breath. You need to calm down and take deep breaths. In and out, in and out. Can you do that for me?"  
Jinhwan hears Chanwoo try to do as he asked him to do but he can tell that the maknae is struggling. The youngest is panicking and he's devastated and he's trying so hard to at least do one thing right, but the weight of the situation that he's in and the chest crushing guilt he feels over what he said to his hyungs is starting to sink in and now he's really panicking. The boys know that if they don't get in the bathroom with Chanwoo quick, that the panic attack is only going to worsen, and there's no telling what he'll do if he's by himself when that happens.  
Jiwon looks at Jinhwan, then Hanbin, and then speaks to Chanwoo, "Hey Chan, can you unlock the door for hyung? I know you're having trouble breathing and I also know that you think we hate you and that we're mad at you, but we're not. Sure, we were at first, but we didn't know how much this has been hurting you. We didn't know how much you were hurting, baby, otherwise we would have talked to you about this sooner. We know you don't get a whole lot of lines, in fact, we know you feel lucky when you at least get 2 lines; but, you gotta know that there will be other songs and there will be other albums, but there will never be another you. If we lose you, then there is no iKon. So, can you unlock the door for us, please? We're not mad at you or disappointed in you, we love you! Please open the door!"  
Not even a second after Bobby's little speech and the door to the bathroom is creaking open, the boys push the door open quickly before rushing in and breaking down at the sight of their maknae. Chanwoo's beautiful face is covered in snot and tears, his eyes are red and puffy, his hair is a wild mess, and the sobs he's letting out are wracking his body, but he still looks just as beautiful as he did when they first met him. They may not have liked him that much when YG introduced him, but now he's grown on all of them and none of them could imagine the group without him. Especially Hanbin.  
Hanbin is on his knees in front of Chanwoo the minute he gets in the bathroom, Hanbin is stroking the youngest member's face and neck and hair and trying to comfort the sobbing boy. Hanbin gets Chanwoo to look him in the eye and to follow his breathing and when the boy is finally calmed down he starts apologizing more. Chanwoo is quickly hushed by all of the older boys before he even gets to his second apology. They're all just glad that he's finally calm, that he's stopped crying, and they're all on him in a second. They're pressing kisses to his face and covering him in hugs, and all Chanwoo can think is why he was ever given such amazing hyungs.   
After they finally get out of the bathroom and sit down in the living room to talk, the boys tell Chanwoo that it doesn't matter how many lines he has or how good he's not, all that matters is what kind of person he is: and whatever kind of person he turns out to be, they will be by his side and they will support him the whole way.  
Later that night, after lots of group talking and hugging, Hanbin pulls Chanwoo aside and what Chanwoo expects to be a stern talking to actually turns out to be a kiss. Pressing their lips together in a quick kiss, Hanbin holds Chanwoo as if he's breakable, and maybe he is or maybe he isn't but whatever Chanwoo is at least he has his members there with him to help him figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no grudge or anything against B.I or Bobby, I actually really love them and B.I was my first bias in iKon until I discovered the beauty that is Chanwoo. I know B.I and Bobby don't make any of the final decisions on songs, but Chanwoo is going to be a sad, angry baby in this fic and most of his anger he takes out on his leader and his older hyungs. Thank you for reading and thank you for your feedback. Feedback is greatly appreciated!!


End file.
